


Living in a Nightmare

by swanqueenfic13



Series: Little Luthor [11]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Happy Ending, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sort of? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:43:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swanqueenfic13/pseuds/swanqueenfic13
Summary: In the wake of the death threats from her mother's enemies, Lydia Luthor's nightmares have been getting worse. Lena feels guilty; her three-year-old has PTSD and she feels powerless to help her. Kara is struggling to help both of her Luthor girls keep calm. In addition to all of this, Lena and Kara want to move in together and now have the task of breaking the news to a toddler.





	Living in a Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> *UPDATE* I have decided after some reflection to make Maggie Sawyer's character in my fics reflect her character in the DC universe rather than reflect the actress who portrays her on Supergirl. I originally made this Maggie Italian because Floriana Lima is Italian, but it had been brought to my attention that Maggie is Hispanic so I will be changing all of my fics to reflect this. In the future, if you catch a reference to Maggie being Italian in any of these fics, let me know so I can change it. Have a nice day!

“So, Dr. Liftkar, I wanted to talk to you about Lydia for a few minutes,” Lena said softly. After Lydia’s therapy appointment this week ended, Lena had suggested Kara take Lydia to the waiting room to play for a few minutes. They had cut back to one session a week not long ago, but Lena wanted to check Lydia’s progress and get some suggestions for how to tell Lydia that she and Kara plan to move in together- and that they’re moving houses. During late night discussions, they’d decided to find a new home, one that was bigger and had more space and that could reflect Lena’s new security status as a high powered CEO.

“Well, here I thought we were going to have a nice chat about lasagna recipes,” Dr. Liftkar teased. Lena smiled. This is why she liked this therapist; she knew how to talk to scared kids  _ and  _ anxious parents.

“I wanted to ask about her progress. How’s she doing in the aftermath of the attack? I’ve been noticing that sometimes she’ll just get lost in her own thoughts, staring into space. And I think she’s still having nightmares. Like, when I go to wake her up she’s had an accident. Sometimes she’s in a different outfit as if she’d woken up and changed herself. I’m just… I’m worried,” Lena admitted. The nightmares had gone away for a while, at least, Lena thought they had. So they stopped with the pull-ups, but now she’s considering bringing them back again. It made Lena feel like she was failing her daughter somehow.

“Well, I wouldn’t be too upset with yourself. Backsliding like this can often occur. For a lot of kids, signs of PTSD don’t even show up right away. They can show up days, weeks, months, even years after the fact,” Dr. Liftkar explained softly. Lena scoffs softly, putting her head in her hands for a moment.

“God, it sounds… so awful. PTSD in a three year old. I wish… Oh, God, my guilt is not the issue here. Go on. Her symptoms- how do I help them? Help relieve them, I mean.”

“Continue bringing her here- or to another professional, if you’d like. But bringing her to a cognitive behavioral therapist is the most beneficial. I think I should start having some more regular appointments with you, too. I can help train you in some specific strategies to help her heal, and I can give you some links to help you get started. But mostly, it’s about comfort, for you. If she wakes up from a nightmare, remind her she’s okay. Hold her. I know co-sleeping is hotly debated by some, but when you’re dealing with something as serious as this in someone so small, sometimes you have to break the rules of what you’d normally do. Be calm and remind her that she’s safe now and the danger is over. As for the accidents and the sleep troubles… Don’t shame her about it. They’ll stop once she feels safe. Spend a little extra time relaxing with her before bed. Read a few stories. Sing some special songs. Uhh… Make sure she understands that bad dreams come from bad thoughts, not bad things happening. Keep an eye on her. If it gets worse, we might consider some other avenues of treatment.” The doctor squeezed her hand reassuringly before continuing. “Now, is that all you wanted to talk about?”

“We’re moving. Or- well, I- we’d like to move. Kara and I. And Lydia, of course. I-I asked Kara to move in with us, and we were talking, and we think we should move to a new place. I-I’ve got more money now, and because of my new job, I’m going to need more security. We were also thinking about school systems for Lydia within the next few years and maybe a house with a nice yard to play- maybe some pets. But… I don’t know how to tell her. I was hoping you could help,” Lena said quickly.

“You’re moving in with Kara! That’s exciting! So, I take it you’ve worked out your issues? Lydia talked some about how she missed her Mama during your separation,” Dr. Liftkar explained at Lena’s confused look.

“Oh, um, yes,” Lena said, blushing. God, the doctor must think she’s a terrible mother. “I didn’t… I hadn’t meant to hurt Lydia with the separation. God, that’s the  _ last _ thing I want. I just-”

“Hey, no need to justify these things to me. If you needed the space to work some things out on your own, that’s fine. Healthy, even. You can’t shelter your daughter from all pain, Lena. But you can help her learn how to deal with it appropriately.”

“Thank you,” Lena said softly, sniffling and taking the proffered tissue.

“Now, you want to know how to tell Lydia about these big changes you’re planning. Do you have a house yet? Have you decided anything about a when or a where? Is there a timeline?”

“No, we just… decided this earlier this week. Should we wait until we have made decisions to tell her or…?” Lena trailed off.

“I would suggest that you tell her soon, before you make any final decisions. I suggest telling it to her like a story, or using toy trucks or something to show her. Explain things in the simplest terms you can. It would probably be helpful if you include her in the process. Show her the places you want to move, let her have an opinion on it. Take her along for some of the open houses, if you can. It gives her a sense of autonomy and control over the decision rather than taking it all away.” Lena nods along, taking notes on the planner she pulled from her purse (a CEO’s best friend).

“Okay, and when it comes time for the actual move?”

“Worry about that when it comes time to move,” Dr. Liftkar smiled. “Just tell her first. Help her with her nightmares and symptoms. Once that’s settled down some, start looking for a place.”

“So you think I should wait for her PTSD to subside?” Lena asked.

“I do. If you try and change too many things at once, it can be overwhelming and confusing. Young kids tend to thrive on routine, so you should keep your routine as consistent as you can before, during, and after the move.”

“Okay, okay.” Lena nodded to herself, finally standing and holding out her hand to Dr. Liftkar. “Thank you, doctor. I’ll see you next week? Same time?”

“Yes, but don’t forget- I’d like to see you for an appointment sometime, too.”

“Of course. I’ll have Jess call you. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” Dr. Liftkar called as Lena left, door swinging closed behind her.

 

“Let’s tell her after dinner tomorrow,” Lena whispered when they got home from the appointment. Lydia had run off to go put away her backpack and take off her shoes so that she could play and she and Kara had migrated to the kitchen to start on dinner.

“Why not now? Or after dinner tonight?” Kara questions as she grabs the ingredients for homemade potstickers. After discovering Kara’s affinity for the meal in the second month of their relationship, Lena had vowed to find a healthier recipe so as not to clog Kara’s veins with the constant influx of the doughy treat. Though Lena figured a clogged heart wasn’t really something Kara needed to worry about on this planet, she still insisted on making the potstickers rather than ordering an obscene amount of food to satisfy her girlfriend’s black hole of a stomach.

“The good Dr. Liftkar suggested we explain the move to her using toys or a game or a story. I wanted to get her a new toy truck that looks like a moving van or something so we can play with her,” Lena said, perching herself on the counter as she watched Kara get the cooking ingredients ready.

“Why don’t you run out and get it now? I can start on dinner,” Kara offered.

“Pfft, no way. I’ve learned my lesson. You making dinner will only result in the fire alarm going off and you ordering takeout. No way,” Lena scoffed, hopping off the counter to move Kara away from the food now that everything was out. It was best to leave the cooking to Lena, though Kara insisted on helping with prep and clean-up, to keep things fair. Kara just rolled her eyes, blushing.

“One time! And that’s only because Alex was trying to help. I’m not as bad!” 

“Still,” Lena said with a smirk. “I’m going to be cooking tonight. Even if you were a decent cook, you’d probably eat most of the food before it even got to the table.”

“Well fine, then why don’t I go get the truck? I feel like the more you put it off, the worse it’ll feel,” Kara offered.

“Fine. Be quick,” Lena said, kissing Kara’s cheek.

“Back in a flash,” Kara joked, going into the bedroom to change into a red hoodie and blue jeans. She came back to kiss Lena properly before zooming out the door in a flash of primary colors. Lena  just rolled her eyes at her girlfriend’s theatrics, turned on the news so she could keep an ear out for her, and started dinner.

 

“Hey Lydia, can Mama and I play a game with you?” Lena asked softly. The truck that Kara had purchased was hidden behind the chair in the living room.

“Yeah! We could play Candyland or-”

“Actually, Lyd, we wanted to teach you about a new game. Can we play with your dollhouses?” Kara interrupted.

“Yeah! They’re in my room, let’s go!” Lydia jumped up, eager to have her moms want to play with her so much. And she got to learn a new game! She pulled them both by the hand into her bedroom and to the corner where she set up her dollhouses. Her bedroom was smaller than Lena’s, the walls a soft baby blue. Her bed with toddler rails was set up in one corner with dinosaur themed bedding. She had a white set of drawers and a matching closet on the other side of the room. Between the bed and the closet, Lena had put Lydia’s old rocking chair; they sometimes used it when Lydia was particularly sick or scared and needed the comfort. In the last corner opposite the door, Lydia had a bookshelf and most of her toys set up on a little play rug. Once Mommy and Mama were sitting criss-cross applesauce on her rug, Lydia ran to get her box of dolls and stuff. “Okay, now you gots to pick your people,” Lydia instructed them.

“Can I be this dolly?” Kara asked, smirking as she pulled out the Barbie with brown hair. Lena smiled, picking up the blonde Barbie.

“Only if I can be this one,” she countered.

“Then who am I?” Lydia asked, staring into the box. There were just too many to pick from!

“Why don’t you be this one, little one?” Lena suggested, pulling out a little Moana figurine that was smaller than the other dolls. “And you can be our baby.”

“Yay! Now, what game are we playin’?” Lydia asked, lying on her tummy and making Moana walk around in front of one of the houses. 

“It’s called moving. See, look! My dolly wants to move into this house with Moana and Mommy’s doll. But there’s no space! It’s not big enough for all three of them! What should they do?” Kara began, pouting theatrically. She put the three dolls into the smaller of the two dollhouses to show Lydia how little space there was.

“They gotta go to the bigger house, Mama,  _ duh _ ,” Lydia said. 

“Well, what about all of their stuff? Don’t they want to take their stuff with them? All of Moana’s toys, Mommy’s books, Mama’s art stuff?” Lena prompted.

“Yeah! They can carry it,” Lydia said, moving her doll’s arms to make them lift one of the pieces of doll furniture.

“But what if the house was farther away? How would they carry all of their stuff?” Lena paused, giving her daughter a moment to think. Kara readied the new truck.

“Can they take a car?” she said, head tilted adorably.

“They can, baby girl. But sometimes, when people move, there’s a lot of stuff to take. So they have to get a moving truck,” Kara said in a hushed, awestruck tone, pulling the truck out from behind her back. “Well, look at this! It’s a moving truck!” It wasn’t actually a moving truck, just a plain white and green Hess truck, but the preschooler didn’t need to know the difference. Lydia giggled, making grabby motions with her hands.

“Gimme, gimme!”

“Magic word?” Lena asked, arching one eyebrow.

“Please,” Lydia provided.

“Good girl. Now, when the dolls move, they’ve gotta pack up all their stuff. So they take it, and they put it in boxes and bags, and they load it all onto this truck,” Lena said, making the doll go through the motions of packing and putting things into imaginary boxes before putting the doll furniture into the truck.

“They don’t get rid of it, right Mommy?”

“Right, little one,” Lena confirmed. “They put it in special boxes and bags and then the moving truck takes all of their old stuff, and it takes them to a new house. Look, let’s go!” Lena said excitedly, crawling on her hands and knees as she drives the truck over to the bigger dollhouse.

“And our dolls follow in the car, so they get to go to the new house, too,” Kara said. “Lyd, do you wanna drive the car to the doll's’ new house?” 

“I’m gonna drive  _ super fast _ ,” Lydia said, nodding seriously before crawling quickly, making screeching noises as the car started and stopped. “Now what?” She turned, grinning, enjoying this new game.

“Now, the dolls get to unpack all of the stuff from the old house and put it in the new house! And they can even set it up the same so that it feels more like home! Do you want to set it up the same, Lydia?” Lena asked. She grinned at Kara as Lydia pondered the question. Kara’s eyes brightened, realizing how happy Lena was that her daughter seemed to be understanding the concept of moving; this seemed to be going well!

“No, I wanna change stuff around,” Lydia decided. She nodded decisively before she arranged all of the old furniture in the new doll house. Once that was done, she turned to Kara. “Now what?”

“Well, now the moving part is over. Now the dolls go outside and meet the neighbors. They can make new friends and see new things. But, if they miss their old neighbors and friends, they can always go visit or talk on the phone,” Kara explained, trying to remember all of the things Lena had been hoping to touch upon during this game.

“That was a fun game, Mama,” Lydia said, yawning a little bit. Lena smiled fondly.

“I’m glad you liked it, sweetheart. Why don’t you play with your dolls for a few more minutes while I go get a bath ready, hmmm?” Lydia nodded, rubbing her eyes sleepily as Lena and Kara stood, smiling like fools as they made their way to the bathroom. They moved in sync, Kara stopping to grab the clean towels and bath mat while Lena started to run the water and find the soap, bath toys, shampoos and the slip-guard for the tub.

“Well, that went well,” Lena whispered, sitting on the edge of the tub. She kept one hand under the tap to figure out the perfect temperature while Kara set the linens on the toilet seat, nodding along eagerly. “I think I’m going to get her into the bath before telling her that we’re going to be playing a real-life game of moving. Are you staying tonight?” Lena said.

“Umm… Maybe? Let’s wait and see how Lydia feels after you tell her. I don’t want to be a burden if she’s confused or upset and you need to be with her.”

“Okay, but you don’t have to go. Or stay! Don’t feel pressured to stay if you don’t want to. Just… whatever you decide to do is fine,” Lena said hurriedly. Finally finding the right temperature for the water, she plugs the tub and go grab Lydia.

 

“So, little one, you know how we played that game? Moving?” Lena said gently as she rinsed shampoo from Lydia’s hair. Kara was settled in the living room, waiting to pick up on Lydia’s reactions before deciding whether to stay or leave. She kept one ear on the conversation while also looking into the links Dr. Liftkar had given Lena about something called psychological first aid to help Lydia heal.

“Yeah! That was fun. We should play it again with the other dolls, right Mommy? A-and we can… can have lotsa fun movin’!” Lydia gushed, yawning slightly as she played with her bath crayons, coloring on the tiles of the wall.

“I’m glad you liked that game, Lyd. But it’s not just a game. Lots of real people move houses, too. And they pack their stuff up, just like that. And they put it in a truck and it gets driven to their new house,” Lena continued.

“Really?” Lydia said, eyes widening as she turned around to gape at her Mommy. “Are the trucks really really big?”

“Huge,” Lena said, grinning. “That sounds cool, right?”

“Yeah!”

“So, how would you feel about moving?” Lena cringes a bit at her harsh transition. “Like… You and me and Mama all moving together.

“Why?” Lydia asked.

“Why what, baby girl? Why are we moving?”

“Mhmm.” 

“Well… Y’know how Mama stays over some nights? And you wake up and she’s there for breakfast and it’s nice? Well, I love Mama very much. And I like having breakfasts with you and her, like a family. And I like our nighttime routines. And I love you and I love Mama so much that I asked her to move in with us, so she stays over every night because she would live here, too.”

“Wow! Mama’d be here every morning?” Lydia gasped, turning around immediately. The water sloshed over the edge of the tub onto Lena. She held in her sigh and focused on planning what she was saying to make sure she got her point across.

“She would! You’d like that, right?” Lydia nodded eagerly, tilting her head back to let Lena continue rinsing it. “Okay, good. But we were thinking… this place might be a little bit too small for all of us. And we thought it might be nice to move to a new place. It can be a house that we all move in together, and we pick it together. Would you like a yard? Maybe a swing set? Room for some friends to play?” Lydia nodded eagerly again. “And we could make sure to visit our old friends who live here after we move. You would still go to preschool with Mama. We would bring all of your stuff to the new house. Does this… sound like something you’d want to do?”

“Can I help pick the house?” Lydia countered, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Lena took notice of Lydia’s thumb in her mouth but just let her keep it there, clearly tired and she didn’t want to ruin the peaceful, calm atmosphere surrounding this conversation.

“Yes, of course!”

“If we got space, can I get a puppy? ‘Cuz Jamie said that Ge’too needs a fwend to p’ay wif.” Her speech was slurred by the thumb in her mouth and it took Lena a moment to realize she was saying  _ Gertrude _ needed a friend. Lydia widens her eyes for a moment before letting out a dinosaur yawn and rubbing at her eyes with her fist again.

“We will think about that once we get to a new house, hmm? Now, let’s get you out of this bath before you turn into a prune!” Lena said, tickling her daughter’s armpits before scooping her up in the towel and bringing her to her room for bed.

 

“No, Mommy. I’m a big girl,” Lydia said. Ironically, she was still sucking her thumb, crying and kicking her feet while lying naked on a towel on the bed as she protested wearing a pull-up for the night.

“Yes, you are, sweetheart. But sometimes, the nighttime makes us really scared or we have bad dreams. And when that happens, people have accidents. Even big girls! And sometimes, they’ve gotta wear pull-ups so that their clothes don’t get all icky and stuff. So, please? Can we try it for tonight?” Lena explained patiently.

“No, I don’t wanna,” Lydia whined.

“You’re still having nightmares, Lyd. I don’t want you to have to worry about accidents, too. Can you please be a good girl for me? It’s just for tonight and if you don’t need it, you won’t have to wear it tomorrow night. So… please, Lyd?” Lena practically begged. Lydia just huffed, stilling in her protests. She stayed still, letting her mom put on the pull-up and dress her in her nice, comfy princess jammies. “Good girl,” she whispered, kissing Lydia’s forehead. “Why don’t you go pick out a book and I can grab Mama to read with us, okay?” Lydia nodded, bounding off the bed towards her bookshelf while Lena went to the living room, finding Kara already at the door.

“Can I stay tonight?” Kara whispered. Lena grabbed her hands, bringing them to her mouth and kissing each of her knuckles before smiling at her girlfriend.

“Well, I would think so. Since you do live with us, now,” she grinned. Kara just giggled, intertwining their fingers and letting herself be pulled into the room to snuggle and read their daughter a bedtime story. 

 

She woke silently.

Her heart was racing, racing, racing and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her whole body was sticky and her skin was warm but she felt really cold. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see him, and hear his mean voice. He was yelling at her and he was going to hurt her Mommy and she was just so  _ scared _ . She realized her pull-up was wet but she wasn’t a  _ baby _ but she was so upset and so scared and she still couldn’t breathe right so she just burst into tears, hugging Chewy and Moony to her chest.

 

Kara heard the noise first. She  _ did _ have super hearing, after all.

She turned to wake Lena up, but her girlfriend was sleeping so peacefully. She looked so much younger when she slept, and Kara knew that she was still spending long nights awake, trying to make everything work perfectly. Not to mention her bouts of insomnia. So, Kara let her girlfriend sleep for now before speeding towards Lydia’s room. She paused just outside, knocking softly.

“Lyd?” she called.

“M-m-ma- _ Mama _ ,” the little girl called out through her sobs. Kara opened the door and rushed in, sitting hesitantly at the edge of her bed. Lydia’s hair was tangled, her eyes were red and swollen, snot was dripping from her nose and her entire face was flushed as she cried. She was curled in a ball, hugging her stuffed toys to her chest. Kara could tell from the swell of the pull-up that Lydia had had another accident.

“Hi, sweet girl. Can I give you a hug?” Lydia nodded frantically and Kara scooped the little girl up, shifting so that she was on her lap, head turned into Kara’s chest, ear resting above her heart. She held her close, hugging her and rocking back and forth. “I’ve got you, baby girl. Mama’s here. You’re safe, you’re safe. Mama’s here. Mama’s got you. It was just a dream.” Kara rocks her back and forth, whispering these reassurances and kissing her head until her sobs slow to whimpers and hiccups and then to the last silent tears before Lydia is just lying on her chest, sniffling softly, thumb in her mouth.

“Bad dream?” Kara asked softly. Lydia whimpered but nodded against her chest, letting her eyes close. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Bad man. He wan’ed to ‘urt Mama. So mad,” she whined softly. The fragmented sentences and slight lisp from her thumb in her mouth made Lydia seem much younger. Kara isn’t sure if she’s ever seen the little girl look quite so small. Kara wanted to protect her and help her; she found herself remembering the tricks from the website that Dr. Liftkar had given them.

“Oh, my poor, sweet little one. I know you’re scared. What happened to you was so, so scary. But the bad man is in prison, and he’s not getting out. He’s so far away, do you wanna see?” Kara asked. Lydia sniffled and nodded. Kara stood and went to find Lena’s computer in the living room, powering it up and turning the brightness down low before pulling up a map of National City. “Look, sweetie. The bad man yelled at you right here,” Kara whispered, pointing to the spot on the map. Lydia shuffled until she could see comfortably from her spot in Kara’s arms. “And your home is waaaay over here on the other side of the map. See how far away you are from where the danger is?”

“Mhmm,” Lydia mumbled softly.

“Good, now where did the bad man go when the police took him? Do you remember what Tia told you?” Lydia shrugged, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to stay awake and talk to Mama. She didn’t want any more nightmares. “The police took the bad man to jail, and he’s going to stay there for a very long time. And the jail where he went is so far away that we can’t even see it on this map! Look, I’ll zoom out. The jail where the bad man is staying is  _ waaaaayyy _ over here, five hours away! See how far away you are from the danger? Mommy is safe, you are safe, and I am safe. Everyone you love is safe. And the superhero who saved you is still out there, saving other kids like you,” Kara said, scooting back on the bed so that she was lying against the headboard.

“He is?” Lydia asked, her tone conveying surprise and hope.

“Yeah, little bear. They are, and that superhero is so fast that even if the bad man got out of jail, the superhero would get here to save you first. I promise you, we are keeping you safe. And the bad dreams? Those are just bad thoughts in your head. It’s not a sign of anything bad that’s going to happen or is still happening.” Lydia just whined a little hiccup, burrowing deeper into Kara’s arms. Kara just held her securely, content to lay there until she noticed Lydia squirming in discomfort. “Okay, sweetie, let’s get you cleaned up and then we can go to sleep, okay?” When Kara stands to start the task, she notices Lydia’s lower lip trembling again. “Oh what’s wrong, honey?”

“Don’t wanna be a baby,” she whined, wriggling until Kara set her down on the bed and hurried to get the pull-up.

“You aren’t, love. Remember what Mommy said? That sometimes, when we’re scared, our bodies do things they might not normally do. For instance, your Aunty Alex used to get nosebleeds when she was really scared. Did you know that? She didn’t mean for it to happen, but when she was really stressed out or scared, her nose would start to bleed. And your Mommy? She starts to breathe funny, like you were doing earlier. She says it feels like it’s really hard to breathe,” Kara said softly, slowly changing Lydia as she talked to try and keep the little girl comfortable.

“Wha’ ‘bout you, Mama?” Lydia asked sleepily. She was rubbing her eyes with one fist while her other little fist was pressed up against her mouth, thumb dangling from the corner of her mouth and fingers hooked over her nose.

“When I get nervous?” Lydia nodded. Kara sighed heavily, thinking. She couldn’t exactly tell Lydia that when she got particularly upset, she tended to break whatever she was holding or blast things with her heat vision or sprint away so quickly she broke the sound barrier. “When I get nervous… Well, for a while I used to have really bad nightmares, like you. And I would wet the bed, but I was a few years older than you,” Kara confided, remembering the months after she got to Earth. “Sometimes, I still do have the nightmares.”

“Really?” Lydia said as Kara pulled up her pajama pants, scooping her up and holding her close again. 

“Really. But my foster mom Eliza and Aunty Alex helped me a lot. They took care of me and held me close and reminded me I was okay. It took some time, and I still get upset and scared sometimes, but I’ve gotten better. Now, it is very early in the morning, so I think that you should try and get some more sleep, okay?”

“Mhmm,” Lydia nodded.

“Do you want to sleep in here or should we go join Mommy?”

“Wan’ Mommy.”

“Alright, love. Let’s go back to sleep with Mommy,” Kara hummed. Lydia just draped herself over her Kara’s shoulder, hugging her like a koala as Kara climbed into bed with Mommy, who was still sleeping soundly. As soon as they were under the covers, Kara turned so that Lydia was sandwiched between Mama and Mommy. Lydia just curled into her Mommy, still keeping a tight grip on Mama’s pajama shirt. The sound of both of her girls’ heartbeats thrumming in her ears had Kara asleep within moments, not noticing how Lydia steadfastly refused to let her eyes close.

 

Over the next few days, Lena and Kara noticed Lydia becoming much more short-tempered and fussy. She never napped during school anymore; she chose to lay on her mat and look at books quietly. She still struggled to really read them, but Lydia would rather look at the pictures than lay on the mat, refusing when any of her teachers (even her Mama) suggested she try closing her eyes. When Lydia got home, she would throw temper tantrums and cry at the slightest provocation. She wouldn’t eat much and she cried every morning when Lena went to wake her up.

“I think I need to take the day off tomorrow,” Lena sighed, running her hand through her hair as she collapsed onto the couch next to Kara. She had just put a cranky, teary Lydia to bed with three stories and a bottle of warm milk before her eyes finally closed.

“You know, it would probably be easier for me to call out. I’m just a preschool teacher. You run an entire corporation,” Kara pointed out.

“First of all, you are not  _ just _ anything. You are an amazing preschool teacher. You teach kids how to read! That’s fantastic! Where would future generations be without you?”

“I know, Lena,” Kara sighed, rolling her eyes. Lena was always quick to defend her when Kara tried to compare their jobs or make deprecating jokes about her job.

“Just making sure you know, love. And while I appreciate your willingness to take time off to stay home with Lydia… I want to do this myself. I want to try… I’ve been busier lately. And I worry I haven’t been spending as much time with her, relying on you too much. And I still… I know I shouldn’t feel responsible, but I do. If that crazy gunman hadn’t been after me, he wouldn’t have scared Lydia so badly. If I had just waited a few more minutes in the restaurant instead of getting impatient and going out to find you, she woudn’t be a toddler with PTSD! I’ve… God, sometimes, I wonder if it was selfish to bring a child into this world as a Luthor.”

“Lena… She’s… You can’t blame yourself for all of this,” Kara said softly, unsure of exactly what to say to make this better. She wasn’t sure there was anything she  _ could _ say.

“I know. Logically, I know. But that’s not the point. The point is this: while I am thankful that you are so willing to help, I want to try a day at home with her, see if I can figure out why she’s been so fussy. She was a colicky baby so I’ve got practice in dealing with my fussy Lydia. I just… please let me try?” Lena asked, not really looking at Kara.

“You don’t have to ask permission to want to spend time with your daughter.”

“Thank you.” Lena hummed in relief and leaned more into Kara’s side. “I called and moved up her appointment with Dr. Liftkar so we can both see her tomorrow. Until then, I’d like to try some more of those psychological first aid tips we found. Just have a relaxing day at home. Maybe I can get her to sleep some more.”

“Sounds good. Will you need me to bring some work from your office? I know you’re still busy trying to make all of the pieces fit.”

“It’s been going better now that I’ve had some of my people start working at the other plants. But, no. I don’t plan to do any work tomorrow, other than what I already have. I want to focus on Lydia. Oh, wait, actually… I have some information for real estate agencies and properties in a folder. I think I left it on my desk. Could you just bring it when you come home after work?” Lydia sighed, rubbing at her temples. She could feel the beginnings of a stress headache building. Immediately, Kara whisked them off the bed, settling them beneath the covers and massaging Lena’s head. She sighed in relief.

“I will, love. Now, just relax and go to sleep. I’ll try and make you breakfast before I leave tomorrow,” Kara whispered, kissing the crown of Lena’s head before moving to massage her scalp. Lena moaned and whined softly, squirming closer to Kara. All of Kara’s strength, but somehow she still knew just the right amount of pressure to soothe Lena’s headaches.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Lena murmured softly. She was asleep before she could hear Kara’s answer.

 

“Hey, Lena, sweetheart, wake up. I wanted to let you sleep a little later, but I have to leave,” Kara whispered, shaking Lena’s shoulder gently. Lena startled, leaning up on her elbows. Kara leaned over her, smiling softly. “There’s pancakes on the table. If you get up soon, they’ll still be warm.”

“You are an angel,” Lena murmured, her voice still gravelly from sleep.

“Technically, I’m Kryptonian. See you later, babe. Love you.” Kara kissed her once, quickly before disappearing in a blur of pastel colors. Lena hums, stretching before getting up. After a few moments spent cleaning herself up, brushing her hair, rinsing her mouth, and washing her face, she went to go wake Lydia up.

“Lyd, sweetheart?” she said softly, knocking on the door. She pokes it open to find Lydia on the ground, looking quietly at her picture books. “Oh, you’re already up. Mama made some pancakes before she left for work.”

“What about school? I go with Mama!” Lydia said curiously, standing and rubbing her eyes. Lena notices the red imprint marks indicating she’d been lying on the floor for quite some time.

“We’re going to stay home today, little one. You and me. I figured we both need a day off to do some fun stuff. Maybe we could… bake cookies? Or something? We can decide after we go eat breakfast. Come on,” Lena said brightly, holding out a hand. Lydia took it, stumbling a little as she walked with her mother. After watching her yawn and trip once again, Lena just scooped her up and placed the small girl on her hip. “So, how long have you been up?” Lena asked as she set Lydia down and buckled her into her booster seat.

“I ‘unno,” Lydia shrugged, twirling her hair around her fingers. Lena set to work getting breakfast ready and cutting Lydia’s pancaked into small pieces.

“Were you awake when Mama got up?” She looked over the counter at Lydia, who nodded. Her thumb slowly crept its way towards her mouth. “Did the sounds of Mama getting up wake you?” She shook her head again. Lena hummed thoughtfully, setting the food in front of her. As a special treat, she even added whipped cream and chocolate sauce in addition to the cut strawberries and syrup on her pancakes. “When you woke up, was the sky already light? Or was it dark?” Lena asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“Dark,” Lydia said softly. Lena’s eyes widened. Good God, how early was her daughter up? “Are you mad at me?” Lydia pouted. Lena shook her head quickly.

“No, baby. Mommy’s not mad. I’m just a little worried baby girl. But we can talk about that after breakfast, okay? You just eat your pancakes, sound good baby?” Lydia nodded, finally taking her thumb out of her mouth to start eating. Lena began to pick at her own breakfast, trying to figure out how to discuss her increasingly poor sleeping habits. 

_ Was she even sleeping? No wonder my poor little bug is so cranky. She must not be getting more than five hours of sleep! _ Lena fretted. 

After a few minutes, Lena shook her head as if to clear her mind and started idle conversation with Lydia, asking about what she wanted to do today and telling her about the things she does at the office (trying to retell the stories of work meetings in a more exciting way) while they both eat. It seems to help Lydia relax after a while, and they even get to talking about Lydia’s upcoming birthday before both women are finished with breakfast and Lena cleared the table, wiped Lydia’s face and hands clean, and took her to the rocking chair in her room. She hoped the gentle swaying motion would help Lydia relax while they had this discussion.

“So, little one, can we talk about you sleeping?” Lydia nodded, but curled into her mother’s chest, still a little scared to look at her while she talked. What if Mommy changed her mind and she got mad? “I’m not mad, sweetie. I just wanna help you.” Lydia wondered if Mommy could read her mind.

“‘Kay,” she mumbled.

“Good girl. Were you actually asleep when I put you to bed last night? Or were you just pretending?” Lena starts to rock the chair gently, rubbing Lydia’s back. She rests her head on top of Lydia’s, snuggling with her.

“I was sleepin’... But I didn’t wanna,” Lydia said honestly.

“What do you mean? You didn’t wanna be asleep?” She felt Lydia nod. “Why not?”

“Bad dreams, Mommy. They won’t stop! An-and I know Mama said they just bad thoughts but they  _ scary _ , Mommy. And I’m so  _ sleepy _ and so  _ sad  _ and so  _ scared _ when I wake up. I just- I just thought- I just- I didn’t want bad dreams,” Lydia whined, sitting up now to look at Lena.

“So, let me just make sure I understand, sweetie. You didn’t want to go to bed because you’re having scary dreams when you sleep?” Lydia nodded once. “Oh, my poor, sweet, little Lyd. Is that why you won’t nap?” Another nod. “And when you were up early this morning, did you wake up from a bad dream and not wanna go back to sleep?”

“Y-yeah,” Lydia whimpered, sniffling now and her cheeks were streaked with tears.

“Oh, my baby, I’m so sorry. I should have noticed this is what’s going on. Is that the first time you’ve been awake early because you didn’t want to go back to sleep? Or do you do it other times but we just haven’t noticed?”

“S-sometimes I l-lied down in b-bed. But today it w-was too l-long, so I started to play. Was that bad?” Lydia asked sadly, lower lip quivering and big, green eyes shining with tears. 

“No, Lyd. You aren’t bad. But can I make a suggestion? Instead of staying here by yourself, or trying to stay awake all alone, you could come see me or Mama. You could come snuggle in our bed, or ask one of us to read you a story in here, or whatever. We can get you some warm milk, or we can color quietly. But you don’t have to do it by yourself. Just come find us, okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Lydia nodded, turning back around and hugging her mother like a koala again.

“There’s my sweet little girl. So you and me, we’re gonna have a nice, relaxing day. We’re gonna go see Dr. Liftkar later, but before that we can bake cookies, or color, or read. But for now, I think you should try and get a little bit more sleep. Does that sound okay?” Lena spoke softly, running her fingers through Lydia’s tangled hair.

“You stay with me?” she asked.

“Yes, Lyd, baby. I’ll stay. Do you want me to sing to you?”

“P’ease,” she mumbled. And Lena could tell that her thumb was probably in her mouth again. She decided to let that go for now, tracing soothing circles on Lydia’s back before singing softly.

“Baby beluga in the deep blue sea, you swim so wild and you swim so free. With the heavens above, and the sea below, you’re a little white whale on the go. Baby beluga, oh baby beluga, is the water warm? Is your mama home with you, so happy? Way down yonder where the dolphins play, where you dive and splash all day, waves roll in and the waves roll out. See the water squirtin’ out your spout!” Lydia joined in with her, sleepily singing along to the chorus.

“Baby beluga, oh baby beluga. Sing your little song. Sing to all your friends, we like to hear you,” Lydia mumbled sleepily. Her eyes were drooping closed and she was breathing deeper. Lena figured she’d be out by the end of the song.

“When it’s dark and you’re home and fed, curl up snug in your water bed. The moon is shining and the stars are out. Goodnight, little whale, goodnight. Baby beluga, oh baby beluga. With tomorrow’s sun, another day’s begun. You’ll soon be wakin’... Baby beluga in the deep blue sea, you swim so wild and you swim so free. Heaven above and the sea below, and a little white whale on the go. You’re just a little white whale on the go,” Lena finished softly. She hummed the song again to make sure Lydia was truly asleep before she stopped, still rocking and holding her tight, hoping her warmth and her determination can keep the bad dreams away, at least for a little while.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright friends... I know I've been putting off the Supergirl reveal for a while, but I think it was important to address Lydia's pain. I plan to work on coming out of the super closet next. If you enjoyed this or are eager to see more, drop a comment because that's the best way to motivate me to write!! But also, I start working full time on Monday, so it might take me longer between updates. Please be patient. Thanks for reading!


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